Do you know what your family stands for, what you want and what kind of life you want your family to have. I recently talked about Stepping out of Mom Survival Mode and last year I talked about setting family goals but both of those will never work unless you actually know what you want your family to be like. You’ve probably seen those signs that say in this house we say our please and thank you’s etc… ones that stick on your wall in vinyl wall art – they are good but are they unique to your house and your family – probably not so how do you go about figuring out what your family stands for.
As part of our Step out of Mom Survival Mode E-course I will be helping you to find out those things, you probably have an idea and even though you may be in survival mode doing those same things day in and day out things like respect for others, tidying up, helping each other will already be there. But how do you step out of just doing it and making it an intention, how do you go from thinking you are failing at the one job that when you look around you everyone just seems to be able to do.
That mum in the school ground can juggle getting 3 kids to school dressed perfectly, all bags, lunch boxes in place and the kids stand perfectly school, she’s not dragging the youngest in kicking and screaming because she had to switch off the TV before the show finished as she knew that there would be road works on the way and didn’t want to be late yet still was because of the fight over the wrong hat being shoved into the oldest’s hands and having to turn back and yes that is what I was like last year although swap school for preschool for the youngest and you have a more accurate picture.
I would look at the other mums and really did not understand it how could she do it – how was I failing at this parenting lark whilst everyone was instantly so good at it. I was trying my hardest just to get through the days. The kids were fed, they had clean clothes and I was there when I needed it, but I wouldn’t invite people to visit because I couldn’t let them see the disaster that was my home. Even before family visited because I didn’t want to be judged further than I already judged myself I would spend a week worrying, madly clearing stuffing surface clutter into storage boxes in the garage so that when they arrived it would look like I was on top of everything.
In fact – my pictures for the site here were carefully composed to hide the clothes horse with the washing drying on, the pile of books the toddler threw off the shelf, the paperwork pile that I needed to find a moment to sort through. It wasn’t that I was sitting around doing nothing – I’m always busy there was always something that I needed to do needed to be at or get to, but my focus was all wrong and it was pushing me more and more into the survival mode.
By setting family goals – and the key point AS A FAMILY meant that instead of this I’m not good enough because list I had in my head – it was a very long list and when I though I had managed to tick one off you can bet that I would add a further 6 or 7 things where I wasn’t good enough to the bottom of it – we worked out what was important to us as a family. Those goals weren’t the same goals as friends or family but they were the goals that our family wanted to live for and achieve.
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